Somewhere Over The Elusive Rainbow!

What is life without love? But what is love without life? Who can really say? Isn’t love different for everyone? Finding it is almost impossible. But when you truly find it, is it really great? Is it worth it? I certainly don’t know.

In the altered words of Sheldon Cooper, “Ah, (Love), thou art a heartless bitch”…Which if you think about that statement its almost ironic. Maybe not…

Trusting love is hard. Is it lying to you? How do you truly know? Is it manipulating you into believing that all is right with the world and that you’ve found someone that will end your lonely days forever. But as soon as you’re deluded into thinking the best, it pulls the rug out from under you and you fall from that magic carpet ride all the way down to earth, and you hit the surface breaking apart, only to find you are now missing pieces of yourself. The pieces that made you confident. Inspired. Dreaming. Believing in the magical.

And then where is God in all of this? Isn’t He the embodiment of love? Shouldn’t He be leading you to love? He says that he wants the best for you and that if you come to him and pray to Him he will help you…guide you. (Jer. 29:11-13) If that’s true then why is there heartbreak? Why do you feel like you can’t trust anyone again?

For me it was hard to trust anyone to begin with. Add someone who I thought there was the possibility of a future and they turn out to be an emotionally, unstable, manipulator who loved to play mind games. Now you could ask, “why, if I prayed for God to bring me the love of my life, would he bring this undeniably disturbed person into my life just to mess me up even further?” You could ask that….But I’m not.

I know God has a plan. It is a masterful tapestry that He has woven into perfection. Every little thing that happens has a purpose. And I know this was a building block. Even though I probably won’t be open to trusting my heart with anyone for a while. I do know though I’ve learned more about myself. Which is always a huge thing when you really need to know yourself and your feelings to better yourself as a writer. I always feel like every experience is just readying me for the future. What that future is, only God knows. I just have to hold on to my faith, which sustains me. God gave me a faith smaller then a pea, but He has made it unbreakable. Although, you should know that the process of getting to unbreakable is not for the faint of heart…let me tell you…

Now does all this mean I’ve given up on love? Of course not. Love is beautiful. Love is something we all desire and search for. And this whole experience makes me want the “real” thing even more. Because I want to experience God’s greatest gift to us. Love. Not just His love, but the love that He granted each of us to give out or take away with our free will.

For now though, I will continue to dream of this elusive thing called love. When you’ve never been truly in love, it feels like a mythical thing that is far off. Something legends are made of. Talked about. Whispered about. But never really found. Like the elusive pot of gold you never can find at the end of the rainbow… Maybe that is why the song is Somewhere Over the Rainbow…not At the End Of The Rainbow!

Song Of The Moment: Roll Over Me By The Autumn Film (A beautiful song that was featured on one of my favorite shows, One Tree Hill)